ABCD

For people who have read my Title and are running away worried that I have lost it, I would like to assure you I am still quite sane. I have not regressed back to elementary school though the thought of it appeals to me.

I am here to discuss the expansion of the term ABCD. ABCD stands for American Born Confused Desi, as educated by my Aunt.  It is only recently that I understood how this term applied to me after recieving it as a comment on my photo. As the obvious states I am no American born and so we shall forget about the AB part but CD, about me being a Confused Desi does probably apply. 

Yes, I am going through an identity crisis. The more I belong, the less I belong.The problem being, I was made my move to the Western world when India was slowly and gradually undergoing modernizing. I was not given the space and time to change but was trust at full force and I doubt I did a good job coping. Even so I have learnt to adjust and comply with the Western world. I am more liberal in my thoughts and actions and a lot more accepting and carefree with my attitude towards my friends but I cannot break the constrain and apply the same rules to self. I enjoy and applaud people with a view and can dare speak their mind without worries of being politically incorrect but can never bring myself to do so. I hold opinions and if I do pen then, they are edit out the next minute. I can talk all about gender equality but I do enjoy a nice chivalrious gesture from my fellow males. Yes, I am confused, not a hypocrit.

I cannot let go and cling hard to orthodox rules.  I have not coped to change as well as my fellow brothers and sisters of India and so have lost my place and my sense of belonging.  I sometimes feel I am more Indian than a Indian in India and am more Tamil than a Tamil in Chennai. I pride myself in being the true last saviour of my ancestral traditions. I think I will hold on to what I believe until I last.